Hello world!

Pen to Paper!

Driving one day, in the midst of yet another emotional crisis, the thought to write a book hit me. It was like a lighting bolt. I was so shaken, that I needed to pull over to the side of the road and stop the car. There I was sitting contemplating the idea of writing a book about my life and the lessons I had learned. ‘Oh, yeah, me writing a book….’ All the excuses in the world showed up as to why I could not do it. The voice even told me the title of the book ‘Phoenix Rising – out of the Ashes’. This was in January 2001, and many, many life lessons ago. The voice that kept on telling me to write never quite left me alone. It grew stronger and stronger over the years and today January 24, 2009 I am starting to put pen to paper to follow this voice that started out as a whisper and has now become a scream.

These pages are about what I learned and how I have grown. The pain and the sorrows that have pulled me down have only propelled me forward in unimaginably growth.

A teacher once told me, that the only thing I could change is myself. I answered her correctly – “yes of course, I get it”. My thoughts instead were ‘if only he would change, I would be okay’. For the longest time I intellectually understood this, but emotionally and rationally I always blamed others. Then my day of choice came… to live …to truly live… or to die. I chose to live and to grow. The journey into my self-awareness has been beautiful, scary, exciting and often painful, but boy, since I started it, it has never been dull.

As I am cleaning up the emotional mud and guck inside of me, self-awareness is happening. The more I clean up my inner view the better my external vision becomes. It is almost as if I had a thick fog in front of my eyes, through which I could only see the shadows of my fellow man. This fog kept me separate from them as well as not seeing them for who they are. As I am cleaning up my old beliefs and my emotional baggage, it appears I am cleaning up my lenses of perception as well.

I am writing this to get me started with my book. I am pulling together my thoughts and my learning. To conquer my fears and move me forward, to grow in another aspect of my life. Most of all, maybe I can help another soul not to make the same mistakes I made and learn instead from mine.