These pages are about what I learned and how I have grown. The pain and the sorrows that have pulled me down have only propelled me forward in unimaginably growth.
A teacher once told me, that the only thing I could change is myself. I answered her correctly – “yes of course, I get it”. My thoughts instead were ‘if only he would change, I would be okay’. For the longest time I intellectually understood this, but emotionally and rationally I always blamed others. Then my day of choice came… to live …to truly live… or to die. I chose to live and to grow. The journey into my self-awareness has been beautiful, scary, exciting and often painful, but boy, since I started it, it has never been dull.
As I am cleaning up the emotional mud and guck inside of me, self-awareness is happening. The more I clean up my inner view the better my external vision becomes. It is almost as if I had a thick fog in front of my eyes, through which I could only see the shadows of my fellow man. This fog kept me separate from them as well as not seeing them for who they are. As I am cleaning up my old beliefs and my emotional baggage, it appears I am cleaning up my lenses of perception as well.
I am writing this to get me started with my book. I am pulling together my thoughts and my learning. To conquer my fears and move me forward, to grow in another aspect of my life. Most of all, maybe I can help another soul not to make the same mistakes I made and learn instead from mine.